If you are struggling with your relationship to food and body image, you are in a lot of pain. It is very hard to feel shame about your problem and still reach out and ask for help. It is very vulnerable to expose this thing that feels like a deep secret.
What you are doing with food feels like the way you need to cope. It can be terrifying to think of letting it go--you may be ambivalent about addressing this problem. Yet it is important to understand that eating disorders are a container for difficult feelings we may want to find another way to process. Your disordered relationship to food and your body is a symptom of deeper pain and unprocessed, even unthinkable, emotions and experiences. There is no shame in your having found this way to cope. You developed this tool to try to protect yourself. With care and compassion we can unpack and understand what has led you to where you are and understand what your relationship to food is really saying.
Eating disorders can be a substitute for a relationship. In our work together, the relationship we develop, you and me, is part of gently exploring a new way to relate and connect to others.
In working with your eating disorder, we may use different approaches for different pieces of the problem—cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be useful for specific behaviors and acute symptoms, while deeper exploration is important too. We may need to involve or include other professionals in your treatment. There are different pieces that need care and attention, sometimes with professionals with differing areas of expertise. I am experienced in working collaboratively with a team to get you where you want to be. When working with your team, I will maintain your confidentiality and remain sensitive to your privacy.
Are you over-focused on certain body parts, or do you define yourself by how you look? Are you tortured by looking in the mirror and feeling judgement of your body and yourself? If your self-acceptance can only come from your physical appearance, you may never meet your own expectations.
If your sense of self comes from your body's shape, you can be in continual torment because your body doesn't have the shape or form you think it should. With a disordered view of your body, you have trouble loving yourself. When you define yourself by your body, you are missing so much. There can be a disconnection, so that you're not a whole self. I would like to work with you on finding another way to experience your body and your appearance, a way that will give you more space to live a fuller life and feel good about yourself from the inside out.